Bathing Suit Terror

Bathing suit shopping. It can be a traumatic and disheartening experience.  I have always struggled with my weight, and the size of my thighs. My stellar genetics did not help in this circumstance one single bit.  Thunder thighs, cankles, lumps, bumps, oh so many lovely words to describe the legs that the women, and men (my dad had big-around thighs also) in my family history have become accustomed to.

So when it came time to stock up on bathing suits for my off-and-on trips to Hawaii this summer, I had no choice but to dive in (pun intended) and embark into the dark and frightening world of ….bathing suit shopping!

Since Jenifer and I are in the same boat (pun overload) we decided to make a trip to the mall, and vowed to not cry, stomp, throw things, or start bashing ourselves.  For those of you who know the ridiculousness of Kelly/Jenifer adventures this was one for the books. Two middle-aged, fun-loving, self-conscious, not Victoria’s Secret type, girls out on the town doing the most terrifying thing together. It started off pretty well.  We took it lightly. Tried on everything and poked our heads out of the dressing rooms for laughs, opinions, and encouragement. After a few hours, though, the fun adventure took a turn. We started to let the darkness take over, and soon like most bathing suit shopping trips, it became a chore, and the negative thoughts and feelings about our beautiful, but unappreciated, bodies took over and we were done.

So what happened? Did we gain 10 pounds while shopping?  Did more bulges appear?  Nope,  in the course of those three hours or so, the only thing that changed were the thoughts that we ourselves were dumping on us.  Of course Jenifer never said anything bad about me, it was me, I was the one changing the day with my thoughts. Nothing more, nothing less.  Yes, our bodies change over time.  I’m not a super-model, and my legs are covered with well-earned bruises and scars.  Have I contributed to the look of my body by not enough exercise and eating too much of the wrong thing? Absolutely.  Will I continue to try the best donut in every city that Roxanne researches?  Of course I will.  Will I give up an afternoon of reading on a beautiful turquoise water beach because I should be in the hotel gym? Absolutely not. 

Rachel Cosgrove, the owner of Results Fitness, and a woman who I look up to as an athlete, author, and business owner, wrote a piece on her legs once.  It is an eye-opening article that comes from her heart.  I reread it recently and it helped me to put things in perspective. http://rachelcosgrove.com/i-love-my-legs/

This 54-year-old body of mine is pretty darn awesome.  It lets me hike and see beautiful places that many will miss.  It allowed me to try paddle-boarding for the first time this week, It allows me to spend all day in my yard making it a beautiful place to enjoy, and it makes it possible for me to travel from city to city to see my kids and husband.  That alone is something to be grateful for.

Did I find a bathing suit? Yep.  Do I look amazing in it? Not really.  Am I out here in Hawaii wearing it almost every day and experiencing what the Universe has provided for me. Heck yes.  Aloha.